Happy New Year!

All the wonderful, crazy, hectic activities of the holiday are now officially over. As a kid, I hated January 1st. It meant back to school and the long, cold winter ahead with nothing to break up the monotony. But not now. After all the wild get-togethers over Christmas, we are glad to be home together in the peace and quiet. I realized I enjoyed the prelude to Christmas even more than the main event. More on that later. Last night (New Year's Eve), we celebrated by playing a great educational board game called "Hail to the Chief"and eating our traditional seafood feast. Once a year Fred brings up the big clam steamer and he cooks clams and crab legs and I make the shrimp and scallops. Then we cuddled up on the couch for a Celtic Thunder concert. For the very first time the girls stayed up until midnight for the famous ball drop in Times Square. But for some reason the station we watched never showed the ball at all! What happened? Did it malfunction? We never heard. Today we took the girls ice skating. I last went out on the ice two years ago when my friend Helen invited us to skate with her family, and I quickly realized how foolish it was for me to participate in that activity. I totally forgot how to ice skate and saw how easily I could fall and break something. So today wonderful Daddy laced up his skates with apprehension but great resolve and took his daughters out. He only fell once--right down on his face and one knee. He said he wanted to lie there on the ice and moan but then he might have caused a pile-up of unskilled children zipping along behind him. (Tonight I see his knee is very swollen and bruised, but his face looks fine!) I froze on the bleachers watching them all while VERY loud rock music throbbed in my brain. But I'm not complaining. My skin and bones are intact tonight and the girls had a marvelous time. Fred is such a sacrificial man. He will deny himself and give anything to bring joy to his daughters. I so admire that quality in him.

Dinosaurs in the City

For Fred's birthday we surprised him with a trip to the city to the Franklin Institute to see Jurassic World.  Fred is a dinosaur fanatic.  He has to be one of  the most dedicated fans of the Jurassic Park series of movies and has seen them all dozens of times.  Fred also loves riding the train, so as part of our city adventures we headed out early on a cold, sunny morning--Fred and I, Liana and Arielle, and, of course, Steven who is like one of our kids.

Right away we got off to a poor start.  We have been here before!  But somehow we exited the train station onto a different street and were immediately disoriented.  GPS on the kids' phones to the rescue! No, we just ended up walking around in circles.  I had a printed walking map with me and somehow we finally got back on track.  We climbed the big steps into the museum in anticipation of a fun day.

We wandered around waiting for the appointed time to see the special exhibit.  And, finally, Fred got to see his beloved dinosaurs.  The exhibit is best enjoyed if you pretend you are visiting the fictional Jurassic World amusement park from the last movie.  Put rational thought aside and let the danger of the scary dinosaurs thrill you! Immerse yourself in the fantasy!

Fred enjoyed the exhibit.  He mentioned several times that we need to come to the city more often and how he misses when we used to take the girls to Chinatown on the train when they were little.  He said maybe we still had time to go this day.  I wasn't counting on us actually doing that.  Fred usually runs out of steam quickly and I expected we would return home early.

We walked through a few more exhibits and then Fred suggested we walk to Reading Terminal Market.  We also used to visit there on our city trips years ago.  It is Philly's famous indoor farmer's market jammed packed with stalls selling just about everything you can imagine.  I was a little hesitant.  I was the one with the map and I needed to find a way for us to get there.  It was surprisingly easy this time.  We quickly walked the few long blocks as the sun set on this chilly wintry afternoon.

The market was probably as quiet as it ever is on that Sunday afternoon.  It was still bustling with people, but you could actually walk down the aisles without being pushed around by the crowds.  Everyone was hungry and the longest line was around a hoagie and cheesesteak place.  The line snaked down one aisle with many, many people waiting to be served.  I couldn't believe Fred really wanted to get food there and so did Arielle and Steven.  Since I can't eat sandwiches food and Liana is not a fan either, we wandered off to find our own dinner.  

We found counter space at a little Chinese place.  The owners were warm and friendly despite the fact that I'm sure they had previously served hundreds of people that day and were anxious to finish up for the night.  An older woman handed us a simple menu with cut-out pictures glued to names of the dishes, all covered with page protectors in a 3-ring binder.  Liana and I chose well!  I had delicious Singapore noodles and Liana ordered wonton with vegetables.  Her dish turned out to be not your normal Chinese restaurant fare but rather homemade dumplings and bok choy in a simmering soup broth.  As we ate our meals the owners worked just a couple of feet away right in front of us.  Their entire kitchen was in this small narrow space and they were running a whole restaurant from it!  The older woman peeled the biggest carrots I've ever seen, pulling them out a huge mesh bag.  A younger woman with shiny hair scooped portions of dumpling meat from a big mound and then expertly folded it into the rolled dough.  Another man was cooking noodles in an enormous pot.  In spite of being so busy, the owners were so attentive to the needs of their customers.  

As Liana and I enjoyed  our food together in this small corner of peace created by these lovely people, I felt a surge of joy.  Yes, joy!  Sometimes it is hard to recognize if you haven't encountered it lately.  To be here with my daughter, welcomed by friendly, smiling people, eating hot food on a cold day.  Yes, it was joy.

Fred, Arielle and Steven finally got their food after we had finished ours.  They got the best cheesesteak in town apparently, and they were happy with their own adventure.  We left reluctantly, crossing the street to Jefferson Station.  It was slow and empty on this Sunday evening and then we journeyed home, the motion of the train nearly putting us to sleep.

It was one of those days I will long remember.  I write it here so my family will remember too if they come across this blog.  I asked Fred if this day was worth the cost.  (It cost a lot!)  He said, "It's about being with our girls we love so much.  It's about the memory."  Not the dinosaurs or the food.  It's about these kids and this moment in time.  

Kindness at the Mall

Liana asked me to take her to the mall to meet up with a friend so they could shop for an event next week.  We had already hiked through the woods that morning, mushroom hunting with my biology classes.  I was so tired, little sleep the night before.  Liana and her friend set off on their own so I was feeling a little lonely as I perused the new stores in a new wing of our already too-big mall.  I got a chai tea latte for a much needed caffeine boost.  No coffee; it was too late in the day and would guarantee another sleepless night.

“Doddering old fool” came to mind as I trudged along.  I was so weary and faced at least a couple of hours before I could retrieve Liana and go home.  I watched the fashionable young girls strolling along, eyes glued to their cell phones.  Cool moms in workout clothes with babies in strollers.  Teenagers walking hand-in-hand.  Old and out of touch, that’s me. I decided to go to Macy’s to look for a sale and find some stylish clothes that would jazz up my wardrobe.  But I don’t like to shop without my daughters.  They give the thumbs up or down on items I choose.  I trust their judgment. 

All the fall shirts are loose and long.  I guess you need to wear them with leggings because they sure don’t look good with my jeans.  Me in leggings?  But they are very comfortable and like my mother always said, “Comfort before style!”  But I was so indecisive.  So I texted my girls.  “Am I too old to wear leggings?”  Liana was first to respond: “As long as ur butt is covered, ur fine.”  Then Arielle:  “It’s cute.  Everyone can pull that off.”  Really?  For more reassurance, I asked the young cashier.  She was so nice--warm and friendly!   She didn’t seem bored with her job or tired of old lady questions.  Of course, she said yes, leggings would be great.  She is there to sell. 

Next, I saw Bath and Body Works had a sale on hand soap.  As soon as I walked in I was approached by a guy who just seemed to love his job.  I had already chosen my soap but he encouraged me to smell each one first.  I told him I had no sense of smell at all.  So he said he would sniff them for me!  And he was honest.  “I won’t say this one is bad…just different.”  Okay, back on the shelf.  “This one just smells like soap.”  Forget it.  Then he said, “This is the one!  You will love it!”  If I could smell it, I guess.  It was named Leaves.  He recommended Snow, but I don’t like snow and don’t want to look at a picture of snow every time I wash my hands.  I do like leaves though.  What a nice young man!  What was going on with people today?

I kept seeing signs for a new store—Kneipp.  It advertised organic, vegan, chemical-free body care products with essential oils.  I was actually looking for something like that for my daughter-in-law Gretchen.  As soon as I walked in I was enveloped by the friendliest young women.  A whole troupe of them welcomed me and said I was one of the very first customers! The store had just opened for the very first time.  There was a ratio of about 12:1  employees to customers.  I probably talked to six of them in the time I was there.  They were all so helpful and nice.  “What are you looking for?”  “What is your daughter-in-law like?” They wanted to know so they could match just the right scent for her personality.  Did I want bath oil, massage oil, hand lotion, body wash, body scrub, or bubble bath?  I couldn't decide. Since I was one of the very first customers, I would also receive a gift.  How nice.  I thought I might get a sample bottle of something.  So I found a gift for Gretchen and some baby wash for my precious little granddaughters and some arnica oil for Fred’s sore muscles.  At check out of course they talked me into the membership card so I could get deals through my e-mail.  I agreed because they were so nice!  They handed me my purchases and then they gave me a big cloth drawstring bag of goodies!

I kind of collapsed in a chair outside the store to wait for Liana.  I was so tired, but I felt such a peace.  This was not like me.  I’m usually stressed and rushed, always.  I hate shopping generally and especially not at the mall alone.  I texted Arielle and Liana to tell them about this great new store and then texted Fred to tell him I got him a gift.  I thought about the bubbly, pink soap for Jordan and Teagan and hoped Gretchen would approve.  I must have looked so ragged and worn as I sat there texting that a young woman stopped in front of me to ask if I was okay.  Did I look that bad?  Why was everyone so pleasant today?

Then I opened my free gift from Kneipp.  This was not just a little sample bottle of something.  The bag was full of all sorts of full-size products!  I couldn’t believe it. For some reason I was really amazed by this.  I even got tears in my eyes.  No, not just for this bag of body care products, but for all the kindnesses shown to this old lady today.  I know, people have motives for being kind.  But they didn’t have to be.  That young woman didn’t have to stop to check on me.  And then I realized this whole shopping trip was a bag of gifts, given by God on the eve of my birthday when I am feeling old and used up.  All the sweet souls who spoke to me today.  Daughters and a husband, my daughter-in-law and my granddaughters.  The day was washed in fairy light, magical and beautiful.  It won’t always be this way. People will continue to be rude and impatient.  I will too. But maybe I will remember to be kind and bring joy to someone else, even strangers in a store.  Maybe that’s the lesson.  So I wanted to pass it on to anyone who might read.

Celebration

For my 63rd birthday I bought these shoes and dyed my hair red.  I am celebrating life.  I always liked funky shoes and I always wanted to dye my hair red.  If not now, when?  Why wear sensible shoes when you can wear fun shoes?

This was my best birthday ever!  But I think I say that every year.  Maybe because every year I realize what a gift it is to just live another year and hopefully I am learning not to take life and the people I love for granted.  

What a glorious day it was!  I woke to my kitchen table decorated with flowers and gifts and homemade cards.  Fred and I had an early morning date planned, and the kids were still asleep.  We celebrated just being together, made even more meaningful after another scary incident in our lives.

A couple of weeks before, Fred was adjusting a new patient downstairs.  I was in the kitchen making dinner.  This woman I'd never seen before suddenly came upstairs saying, "Your husband is not doing well."  I rushed downstairs to find Fred on the sofa holding his head in his hands.  "I'm so dizzy," he kept repeating.  He does suffer with vertigo occasionally so at first I was not alarmed.  But then I noticed sweat pouring down his face and neck and his skin was icy cold. And he was incredibly nauseous. My brain was searching for the answers, symptoms and diagnostic skills long forgotten.  What was this??

Heart attack or stroke.  It had to be.  But Fred had no chest pain.  I took his blood pressure and pulse.  Not unusual.  But he felt worse and worse.  I told him I was taking him to the ER and at first he protested, but then agreed.  He couldn't walk so I called 911.  Here we go again.  Now it was Fred in the ambulance and me following in the car.  Fred was lying on the bed being wheeled off for tests, and I was the one waiting in the chair.  

After a night of testing the conclusion was Fred has a blocked vertebral artery.  He had a cerebellar stroke.  He was put on a heparin drip to get his blood flowing properly again and admitted to the hospital.  When I left at 3 am to check on the girls, he was doing better but still could not walk alone.

The next day Fred was a new man.  He was feisty as ever, walking normally, ordering big quantities of food from "room service" at the hospital.  God is good.  He has healed and restored us once again.  After a couple of days Fred was released and sent home with meds.  No surgery.  No angiogram.  At one point he was ready to be sedated for the ordered angiogram when the neurologist rushed in the say it wasn't necessary.  She saw all she needed to see on the MRI.  God intervened to save Fred from a potentially dangerous test.

When I think back on this night and what could have been, it takes my breath away.  To lose my Fred?  It is unthinkable!  So today, on a glorious autumn day with brilliant sunshine, we celebrate our lives!  We drive out to a country village and our eyes are dazzled with the oranges and reds of the trees.  Arielle has planned secretly to meet up with Marissa and Anthony and there we all are together.  We eat lunch at a restaurant with a ridiculously incompetent staff, but instead of being angry we laugh and enjoy.  

Damien and Gretchen have invited us to dinner and we sit down to a fabulously delicious meal that only Gretchen knows how to prepare.  We celebrate family--sons and daughters and grandchildren to hold and love.  We celebrate all the assorted people that have joined our family in different ways.  What a joyful day!  My heart is full and ready to burst.  The windows of heaven have poured out a blessing and I cannot hold it all.  God is gracious and merciful, abundantly pouring out his favor on us all.  We live and love another day.  

Short Summer

Here it is nearing the end of September and I haven't written since May.  The summer I hoped to savor is long gone and we have been abruptly dropped in the school routine, maybe not kicking and screaming, but resenting and resisting the demands on our time.  

Liana had to write a composition for her class about her summer.  She was to think of three nouns that would portray it.  She chose friends, hospital, and mountains.  Two of those words would bring to mind the essence of summer for me too.  The difference is I would say family along with friends.  

The end of school and summer started with my number 11th grandchild Teagan.  Shortly after number 12 and 13, Elias and Jude arrived!  What a gift each child is, my sons and daughters given to me, my grandchildren coming after.  

We dove into summer in June, the long warm days lulling me into thinking these times will last forever. Liana was busy with her group of friends, Arielle started working full-time and I could think about sewing projects and house reorganizing and fun!  We took several trips to Lancaster to choose fabrics and visited farms to buy organic meat and eggs and raw milk. We went to the movies, church events, picnics and barbeques. We planted our garden. We went to the beach when the water was so cold it chills your bones.  On the 4th of July we had a cook-out with friends and family.  Summer stretched endlessly before us.  Then came July 5th.

After a night of feasting with rich foods, I woke in the night with terrible pain.  Indigestion, I thought, but that is unusual for me.  I don't even want to think about the rest of July.  I had night after night of that pain.  It came on predictably at bedtime and lasted about five hours each night.  There were doctor visits, an ER visit, testing.  What was going on?  No one could give me a definitive diagnosis. My dear faithful husband stayed up with me night after night, even though he had to go to work early the next morning.  Finally, one Saturday night I had some kind of incident.  It is still unclear to me what happened, as I don't remember much.  But apparently my blood pressure dropped very low and I couldn't breathe.  My sweet Arielle had to call 911 and paramedics came.  I do remember lying in the ambulance thinking, this is how people die. There is an emergency, you head off to the hospital and that's the end.  Something inside me raged up and I said no, no, no!  Then I fought--the mask of oxygen on my face, the paramedic trying to start an IV. He wasn't very competent and I let him know about it.  I will not die now!  God was gracious and let me live.

More testing.  I was radiated up and down.  I don't want to think about the damage that caused that I may have to deal with later.  The ER doctor thought pulmonary embolism. But they couldn't find any clots.  I was admitted to the hospital.  Still no diagnosis. A stream of doctors came into my room, each with a different theory on what my problem was.  I was given IV morphine and no food.  The pain stopped.

Two elders from church came in to visit the next morning.  They prayed for me, one very succinctly, asking for a quick resolution to my problem.  About two hours later another doctor walked in, one I hadn't seen.  He was a surgeon specializing in bariatrics.  Certainly nothing related to me.  But he said very confidently, "I think it's your gallbladder and I can take it out this afternoon."  He was a take charge kind of guy and I was tired of all the talking with no solutions.  I said, "Do it."  And he did.  Back in my room I woke at one point with so much family there the nurse said, "I've never seen so many people in this room before."  I am so blessed.  I am so thankful for so many things during this nightmare.  My faithful husband, my Arielle who took charge of the house in my absence, my Liana with her quiet spirit just sitting beside me enduring the tedium of doing nothing hour after hour.  My son Damien who prayed earnestly for me.  My son Jonathan who sat on my hospital bed reminding me of our hope in God.  

The next day I went home, sore and not sure the problem was resolved.  I think I had a bit of post-traumatic syndrome each evening, fearful the pain would return.  Our vacation to North Carolina had been planned for the coming week.  Could we still go?  I had put Fred and my daughters through so much anxiety the past few weeks that I didn't want to disappoint them and ruin their vacation.  So we just postponed the trip a couple of days, and miraculously I gained back my strength.  "...who forgives all your sin and heals all your diseases..."  Psalm 103, the Psalm of my life.  

In Cherokee we once again had the joy of sitting with my mom at her table as she served us a delicious lunch and we talked on and on, catching up on a year of stories.  This year we came down with my good friend and her family.  Remarkably her own mother was raised in Sylva, a nearby town, and she wanted to do genealogy research.  My family graciously welcomed this family and made their trip memorable.  Once again we were sheltered by the majestic Smoky Mountains.  Once again I was blessed to spend time with my precious sister and visit with my brothers and their families.  The kids tubed down a mountain stream,  we ate Kentucky Fried Chicken and potato salad under a canopy of green, and caught up on family news.  We drove to Gatlinburg swinging around hairpin turns, first soaring into the sky and then flying back down.  What a ride!  What a ride this life is.  But God is always good.  He is always faithful.  We can always trust him, but always remembering that he is more concerned with our sanctification than our comfort.  But whatever raging river we walk through, he is ever present and will see us through to the other side.

On the way back from Gatlinburg into Cherokee we drove to Clingman's Dome, the highest point in the Smokies, seven miles up from the main road.  Last year I could not hike the half mile path to the top because it is so steep and my asthma kicked in.  This year, one week after surgery, I went all the way up.  Miraculous healing, wonderful God!  

After another tearful good-bye at my mother's house, we headed home.  We still had August. Could we still have some summer?  We got in few more beach trips, baking in the hot sun, listening to the crashing of the waves, raising our faces to the salty breeze.  But it was over in a blink and here we are back in the crazy routine.  

I never want to take good health for granted again.  I never want to take my family for granted again.  I love them all so much, family near and far.  But I will.  We forget our blessings.  Here I am already complaining about our frantic school routine and summer being too short.  But after writing this I see it was full and rich.

This is a picture to capture summer--triumph over disease, family and friends beside me at the top of the world!

Letting Go

My daughter suddenly grew up.  It was the driver's license that changed everything.  In a matter of days she had her license, a full-time job, and a car.  And she drove off into the future.

Arielle has always been determined, focused and self-assured.  Once driving became her goal, she worked hard to achieve it.  She drove beside me for almost a full year, back and forth to co-op--a 40 minute drive each way--and every other place we went.  We talked endlessly of different traffic situations.  She endured my exclamations (sometimes shouted):  "Slow down!  Watch out!  Stop!"  She learned.  She earned her license.  

Arielle knew the job at the book warehouse was a summer possibility--good pay, flexible days, and full-time hours.  (Forty hours a week is hard to come by for a teenager.)  The warehouse is also far from home.  But one afternoon she applied for the job on-line.  Someone called her the next day and she quickly had an interview and was hired.  She has already worked a week.  I thought maybe it would be overwhelming for her--the drive, the long days. But no, she likes it!  Arielle has always thrived on busy-ness and people.  

I didn't know it but Fred was waiting for a reason to buy his dream car--this time a jeep.  So when Arielle got the job and would be needing a car, he got his jeep.  His old Honda is now Arielle's.  She immediately cleaned it out and made it her own, stockpiling it with all her personal items.  Even before the warehouse job, she started driving to her cleaning job all by herself, another long drive in the opposite direction.  She is filling in for Gretchen working for an elderly couple while Gretchen has some weeks with her newborn.  So for now, Arielle will be working six days a week.  She isn't home. I miss her already.  Letting go is hard for me.

My little Arielle.  This morning I went downstairs with her as she was leaving for work at 7 a.m.  She had her coffee, her lunch and her backpack.  I kissed her good-bye and just for old times' sake I yelled out, "Slow down!"  She laughed and drove off with her newly found freedom.   

I think of Fred long ago lifting Arielle into her car seat in his big truck.  She was only three when he took her to preschool Tuesday and Thursday mornings.  I would wave and pray for her safe return.  She was my baby, going off into the world.  It was hard to let her go.  At three she was so bold and confident, off on an adventure, never looking back.  So I pray now, as then, that God's favor would be her shield as he guides her into the future, unknown to me, but fully known to him.  I'm grateful for the privilege of being the mother of this amazing girl. 

Mother's Day Weekend

Could life get any better than this?  "The Lord has dealt bountifully with me."  I read that the day after Mother's Day.  God is good!

 The day before Mother's Day we planned a triple baby shower for my three daughters-in-law--Gretchen, Chrissy and Stacia.  Gretchen's baby was due the end of May and the other two babies are coming in July.  A big day was planned with gifts, food, and outdoor spaces for the little ones to run around.  The weather was sunny and warm, no rain to spoil this day.  Then I got a call from Damien a few hours before guests were to arrive.  Damien was taking Gretchen to the hospital!  He thought maybe it was just false labor.  But no!  About two hours later I got a text--  "It's a girl!"  What joy at the shower as we celebrated the arrival of Teagan Grace!

Mental snapshots from the shower to reflect on so I never forget this day:  Sidewalk chalk and all the children drawing and laughing.  Bubbles galore and small balls tossed around.  Arielle was so thoughtful to pick up fun things at the dollar store.  A little shoving and biting among small cousins.  Liana and her camera capturing it all.  Pregnant moms on the deck opening gifts.  Julie and her daughter--odd how we became friends--fitting in with everyone.  Julie and I had a good conversation as moms of older girls.  My friend Cindy comfortable talking with everyone.  Tiny Eva in her soft voice telling us the names of all the animals in Arielle's Webkinz collection.  Her vocabulary is amazing!  Lana playing the big sister role to all the children.  Caden scaling the stone wall to run away.  Joey trying to follow but not quite making it.  Jordan confused and upset at times.  Why weren't her parents here?  She would come in the house occasionally to throw herself in my lap in tears.  Poor child, her life will never be the same once she goes home to a new sister.  More dessert after dessert when most everyone went home and Cindy and I rehashed the day.  Late night clean-up.  It was worth the mess!  Family and friends celebrating life together.

Dominic and family came from D.C. and I had hoped to spend time with them but we never seemed to get a chance to talk in the crowd of guests at the shower.  I still have trouble balancing serving and relaxing to enjoy people.  We planned a day at the park with the little ones on Mother's Day.  Once we arrived though, someone said we were all going to Damien and Gretchen's house to meet their baby girl.  Jordan greeted us at the door, taking Liana's hand to show off HER baby.  There Teagan was in her cradle, sleeping peacefully.  We took turns holding her, this tiny person so new and perfect and precious.

We left for lunch at Red Robin and our crowd filled an extra room.  Dominic sat beside me and we finally had a chance to catch up.  I was at one end of our long table, Jon at the other.  I looked down that table at all my dear family members and felt such gratitude.  Moms were busy feeding toddlers, my number three grandchild Lana helping out by chasing them down when one would run off.  My sons, such good men, caring for their families.  Our blended family is one, Anthony and Kim among us with Fred enjoying little Joey.  My daughters beautiful beside me.  They are growing up so quickly.  My heart is full.  

Liana made me a pretty card with a sweet message that I will treasure forever.  The girls also gave me a shirt in my favorite color.  AND I got a new granddaughter for Mother's Day!  Family--it's the best gift.  We have times when we are at odds with each other, but in the end, we are strong and together.  It is reassuring to know my kids will always have each other when I am long gone.

 After hugs and good-byes,  Steven called Arielle.  His mom wasn't home and could he spend Mother's Day with us?  Why not? I often tell him he is like my fifth son.  He was worried because his dress shirt didn't fit anymore and he didn't think it was right to wear a T-shirt on Mother's Day.  In our family?  Casual and comfortable reign with us.  We got Steven and decided on a hike and geocaching in Mill Grove on this beautiful day.  Back at home, Arielle and Steven suddenly dashed out the door.  I had no idea where they are going.  (Although they had cleared it with Fred.)  They returned with two lovely bouquets of flowers, one for me and one for Steven's mom.  As the sun was setting on this perfect Mother's Day, I took this picture out on the deck. 

Thank you, everyone.  I am truly undeserving of all these blessings.

"You make known to me the path of life.  In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more."  Psalm 16:11.

Libraries

So here I am at the library again.  I love this particular library, only seven minutes from our co-op.  I'm here several hours every week.  Tuesday morning is lesson prep day, Tuesday afternoon is our history lesson day, and Thursday afternoon is a time to recover from a busy week and busy morning of teaching.  Sometimes Arielle and I just hang out together here with a cup of coffee until we go back to our last class.

It's quiet here, no distractions.  People speak in low tones (until my loud kids arrive).  The tables are roomy to spread out my books; the sunshine streams in the tall windows all around.  And I'm surrounded by shelves of books, books, everywhere!  It's the perfect place for planning, learning, preparing, dreaming.

I've always loved libraries, maybe because I didn't grow up with any--none in my elementary school, none in my little desert town.  In high school I don't remember ever having time to go there.  We did have a bookmobile that came to our neighborhood periodically.  But then later in life I discovered the magical world of libraries.  Old ones with musty smells and haunted aisles to explore.  Small ones where you can just about go through the whole collection in a day.  Before the days of inter-library loans you would read everything on the shelf by your favorite author and that would be it.  In college I discovered the quiet, the peace, the grand opportunity to read anything about everything.  I would spend long hours there, late into the afternoon with the sun setting outside the windows, while I did just what I am doing now--thinking, writing, studying.  

Tuesdays I pick up Arielle, Liana and Steven from the co-op and we meet up with Steven's mom to do our history.   The kids head first to the vending machines to get snacks, anything to delay the start of a lesson.  Then we gather around a big table with paper and pens and maps and books.  We've traveled through World War I, the Russian Revolution, and we're now heading into World War II.  If we need a reference book, there it is on the shelf.  A classic to read about our time period?  There it is.  If the library doesn't have what we need, we can order it. 

I take Liana back to her theatre class and then come back to the library.  Arielle and Steven do their homework, or wander through the shelves of DVDs, or work on the big jigsaw puzzle set up on another table.  It's a dreamy time for them too, caught up in the silence and walls of books and movies. Cindy and I pass the time just talking.  In hushed tones, of course.

We've had this routine since last September.  We drove the country roads in the autumn when golden leaves scuttled along in front of us.  Then winter when it was bitter cold out and the scenery was not pretty anymore. I would arrive wrapped in a scarf and layers of fleece.   But inside the library, it was always toasty and the coffee hot.  People speak softly and I work on lessons.  Bliss. 

The school year is winding down. The sunshine is brighter and the kids have trouble settling down.  They are dreaming of summer. I realize we won't come here anymore once school is out.  It's too far from our house.  I will miss this library.   But more than that, I will miss this year, this stage in my daughters' lives, the friendship and the laughter around the table.

Happy New Year!

In the last days of 2014, we had fun!  A few more pictures here from Christmas...Liana and Lana, my beautiful daughter and granddaughter.  Then Fred being silly.  Then we came to the very end, December 31st.  We planned our usual seafood feast, games and the party in New York City.  We stuffed ourselves with crabs, shrimp, clams and scallops and then Steven challenged Arielle to a game of Blokus.  He didn't know who he was dealing with.  Arielle and Dominic have vied for the Blokus championship for years.  Arielle is quite a contender.  She and Dominic even made a crown for the reigning champion to wear after each game.  As you can see, Arielle won...again.  

After dinner the kids figured out how to make popcorn in our new popcorn maker that Fred bought.  It turned out great, except one of the hinges on the little doors broke off.  The kids didn't want to tell Fred, as the machine is brand new, so they decided to fix it with super glue.  That led to a series of events that made us contemplate a trip to the ER.  Steven first glued the tube of super glue to his hand.  Yes, really.  Not meaning to, of course.  He got it off without ripping off his skin, but then he glued two of his fingers together.  Accidentally.  He got them apart, but then had glue all over his hands.  He went downstairs to try to clean it off.  Someone should have checked on him.  He was using his SOG seal pup knife with a very long blade to scrape the glue off his fingers.  Of course, he cut himself.  Blood everywhere!  After cleaning him up, we determined he did not need stitches so we just bandaged him up.

Fred then had a little episode of atrial fib due to his increased thyroid medication.  ER, we considered again.  But no, he was okay.  I don't think anything could have dampened the New Year's Eve frivolity.  Then we got out blankets and camped on the floor in front of the TV to watch the New Yorkers freezing in the cold and see the ball drop, which is always a non-event.  I guess you have to be there.  At midnight the kids went outside barefoot and banged on pots and pans to herald in the New Year.  I can't believe another year is past.

The next morning we made a huge breakfast of bacon, eggs, and pancakes.  Then Fred, in a very uncharacteristic way, asked if we all wanted to go to the movies.  What?  We never go to the movies!  (Although we did Christmas Day but only because friends invited us.)  We were all up for that and went to see the new Night in the Museum movie.  How silly and what fun!  

We came home to my crockpot dinner of sauerkraut and pork roast and then the kids worked on their science fair project, read the driver's test book, and watched a movie.  Could we cram anything else in this day?  But we didn't want it to end.  It was a peaceful, joyful time and I am ever grateful.  Happy New Year all!

Looking Back--2014

My neglected blog.  Life is too hectic for contemplation.  That's not good.  We need to always be looking back to see where we've come from and to decide where we are going from here.  And to remember blessings and grace that God has bestowed on us so we can be grateful.

In looking back on this year, I realized it began and ended with a healing.  God granted me the gift of more time.  I had been sick for a couple of months back in January, a potentially serious health concern.  Then in the fall my asthma became worse and worse and I realized it was time to go back to the specialist.  He is a gift too, a caring doctor.  Now my lungs are clear, my allergies gone.  For now.  More time.  

We had losses.  Two little ones who never had a chance to take a breath.  An old friend busy with work and grandkids, much loved by her family, suddenly got sick and passed away.  We grieve and remember to be grateful for each day.

I think about this year and realize it was a time of transitions.  My girls growing up and me needing to let go.  We had our close family times--school work in the winter beside the fire, summer with AGT and ice cream, board game nights and movie nights.  Just the four of us.  Those times will always be precious to me because the time is coming when the four of us won't be together.  My daughters' horizons have expanded.  They want to be out with friends having new experiences.  Arielle is driving all over the place.  The girls don't need mom clinging to them all the time.  We shopped for ball gowns and talked late into the night about boys and friends and school and growing up.  I drove them to dances and skating rinks and parks and parties.  Yes, I still miss my baby girls, but I wouldn't want to pass through this stage too quickly.  My girls are delightful and we have so much fun. 

This year brought new friends.  Liana has a best friend Carina who is a delightful girl.  She is smart and independent and godly and sweet.  I am so glad to have her influence on my daughter's life.  Arielle has Steven who has opened up her world to new places and events and even food--raw oysters and lobster!  I am pleased with this considerate boy always thinking of her and what he might do to make her happy.  His birthday surprise for her was over the top.  I have a new friend too and I don't believe I have ever laughed so much in all my life.  We just seem to find life silly and fun.  The kids get a kick out of us two bumbling old ladies too.  They keep score on who is the most awkward.  Friends are a gift.  I have had many good ones through the years, different ones for different seasons of my life.  I am thankful for each and every one.

I am grateful for my husband.  I think of our difficult winter with all that snow and Fred always out working.  Such hard work, he is always on the go, never neglecting us, always providing for us.  I am grateful for my boys and all my grandchildren.  So many!  How blessed we are!  Then the Thanksgiving surprise--we will have THREE new babies in 2015!  Oh, my!  Just a couple of days ago I had lunch with my two oldest grandchildren, back from Minnesota.  What great kids!  Nearly grown now.  All the memories with those two.  

We had two weddings this year.  We visited our favorite places--Lancaster and Gettysburg and Ocean City.  We spent time with extended family in North Carolina and Georgia.  We started new traditions in Cape May.  

God provided for us.  Fred opened up a new practice, still keeping his full-time job and still doing side electrical jobs.  That man works so hard.  A door opened for me to teach even more classes at another co-op.  God has given us much. 

Here are some pictures from our last couple of months.  Arielle's birthday.  The tree farm.  Christmas.

So what will the new year bring?  Maybe losses.  Surely good surprises and new experiences.  Hopefully the gift of more time for all of us.  May you have many joys and lots of laughter

in the new year.

Best Birthday Ever

 

I realized I wrote another blog post years ago with the same title.  Okay, two best birthdays ever.  I am blessed.

A wonderful gift came Friday night.  Damien and Gretchen graciously hosted everyone for a birthday celebration for Lana.  Lana knew it was my birthday too.  She told me she wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" to me but she was a little embarrassed, so could we go into Jordan's bedroom?  We did.  But she was still a little shy about it, so she decided to get under the blanket on the bed so she could sing.  She wrapped the covers over her face and then said, "I'm going to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner"!  So she did, the whole song.  Her beautiful voice rang out while Jordan tried hard to pull the blanket off her head.  We laughed, we clapped, and it was a moment to treasure forever.

At midnight on the day of my birthday, Arielle and Liana jumped up on the bed and shouted "Happy Birthday!" Fred gave me a sentimental card with pink hearts and just the right words.  He told me he and Arielle had arranged a special day. We would go to an orchard to pick apples and then walk around a quaint town nearby and then go out to dinner.  The weather was perfect, sunny and warm.  October--it's the best, isn't it?  The glorious colors, the tilt of the sun that makes the earth glow with that golden light.  The orchard was near Steven's house so Arielle invited him to come along.  He said he had yard work to do but would meet up with us later.

The girls, Fred, and I rode out to the orchard in a truck packed tight with others enjoying this gorgeous day.  The trees were loaded with fruit, Fuji and Pink Lady apples.  We were allowed to sample first and stood among the trees eating, juice dripping off our hands.  We filled our bag and then waited for the truck to return, the girls taking the opportunity for a photo shoot.  Of course.

After returning to pay for the pumpkin we chose in the field next to the apples, there was Steven with two bouquets of flowers in his hands.  Yellow roses for Arielle and a colorful orange fall mix for me--some kind of daisies, sunflowers and mums.  Chocolates too!  I was stunned.  Arielle was delighted.  I carried my flowers around feeling like a homecoming queen.  A clerk asked what was the occasion?  My birthday! 

We headed to town, explored the old record store again, and just enjoyed the beautiful late afternoon.  Time for dinner.  We decided to head back to our area and discovered a new Mexican restaurant that serves the best tacos--my favorite food!  Could this day be any better?  We laughed all evening and enjoyed these kids.  At home Liana gave me a pencil sketch with a Bible verse and Arielle wrote me the loveliest of notes.  Who told me years ago that I would have so much trouble with teenage girls?  My daughters are an absolute joy!  

My mother called and sent great books to read, as she always does.  My boys remembered me with gifts and calls.  My heart is full.  What did I do to deserve this?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  God's grace--it's the only way to explain it.  He has given me this wonderful family and I am forever grateful.  I'm thankful for another year of life.

Gift upon Gift

Autumn half over, rushing through our days, I need to take time to give thanks.  With the start of classes, our lives have been in a happy turmoil and I have neglected to quietly contemplate this wild, wonderful era we are in now.  Teenage daughters!  What a delight they are!  We have so much fun.

I'm still counting blessings and this morning took some time to add them to my list.  God is so good and so faithful to us despite my many shortcomings.  What a glorious October weekend he gave us!

2,097.  Damien's house bursting with joyful little ones as we celebrated Jordan's birthday.
2,098.  My four boys all together!  My precious grandchildren!
2,099.  Lots of laughter with two dads and three kids playing video games.
2,100.  New church with worshipful music as we give thanks to our God.
2,101.  My hard-working son takes time early morning to buy us coffee and bagels for breakfast
2,102.  Impromptu trip to West Chester with my hubby to meet Arielle and Steven at a vintage record store.
2,103.  Fred and I go back in time as we search for old albums--great finds!
2,104.  Trip back home listening to Marc Cohn's "True Companion" with my true companion.
2,105.   Family dinner with my daughter-in-law and precious grandson.
2,106.   Dark chilly night at Barnes and Noble with three teenagers blasting music as they sing "You're So Classic" while I chat with my friend, a sleeping dog on my lap. Crazy times!
2,107.  On the carpet playing 10 Days in Europe (trying hard to beat Arielle) while we watch "The Flash" on TV. Silly times.
2,108.  My biology class scaling a mountain on our fungus hunting field trip while I pray they don't fall off the cliff.
2,109.  My daughters hemming their masquerade gowns, the serger whirring away.
2,110.  Arielle and her special guy all dressed up for a big occasion.
2,111.  Reminders that life is short and will one day come to an end, more reason to capture the memories and hold them close.

Perfect

 

The day was perfect.  Perfect means nothing more could be added to make it better.  There is no such thing as "more perfect."  The weather, the beach, our friendships--all perfect.  Just for today anyway.

 

 

Eight of us in a big Suburban on a glorious sunny day headed to Cape May.  The endless sea spread before us, sparkling and inviting.  The water was warm and clear, the deep sand soft on our feet.  The kids reveled in the waves, delighting in the sudden strong surf that tossed them about.  Liana and Carina took photos all day so we can always remember this.  My new friend Cindy and I relaxed, mindless of time, talking, sharing, and enjoying our kids while they dug a great hole, sunbathed, and laughed.  We stayed late, no one wanting to end this day. The best hours on the beach are when the crowds leave and the setting sun glows golden across the sand.

 

An hour wait for dinner?  No problem.  No rushing.  We ate at George's Place--the best meal I've had in a long time.  A Greek dinner of salmon and a huge fresh salad with feta, grape leaves and chick peas.  On the long drive home we were quiet as we relived the day.  I was wedged in the back with Arielle and Steven, fast asleep, my sandy daughter heavy against me.  We listened to oldies--those special ones attached to memories.  I am giving thanks.  We're sun-baked and content. 

Wonder

At my age, is there anything new under the sun to get excited about?  I never want to be an old lady who is cynical and bored with life, to be weighed down with the mundane. But in the daily grind, sometimes I feel like I've seen it all and done it all.

Not so!  This past week we went to the Adventure Aquarium in Camden, New Jersey.  We were celebrating Steven's birthday and Arielle planned a surprise for this boy who loves fish.  The two of them ran off to explore on their own and Liana and I had precious hours together to discover the wonder of God's glorious creation.  Are you curious about life in the ocean?  What amazing creatures we found, each more awesome than the next.  Beautiful dangerous jellyfish, sea dragons, sea horses, vivid marine fish, a sea turtle with wise and knowing eyes. Sharks!  Lobsters!  Stingrays, sea stars, and sea cucumbers we could touch!  What a thrilling day!  Our brains are full of these images and Liana captured some of them here.  But photos are not enough.  Be filled with wonder yourself.  Get outdoors, get to an aquarium or a zoo.  The earth is teeming with life and beauty. 

"Oh, Lord, how many are your works!  In wisdom you have made them all.  The earth is full of your possessions.  There is the sea, great and broad, in which are swarms without number, animals both great and small."  Psalm 104.