Burning Bush

"My harp has been out of tune, and I had no heart to write. Perhaps you are ready to infer, by my sitting down to write at last, that my harp is now well tuned, and I have something extraordinary to offer: beware of thinking so, lest you should be sadly disappointed"  (John Newton, former slave-trade ship captain who became a pastor and hymn writer)


The day-to-day stuff has been getting me down.  Liana's illness took a lot out of me, and for some reason my boys have been on my mind a lot.  They are all doing well.  But it's the past that haunts me, the complexity of relating to my adult children and how all that came before interferes.  Daughters-in-law are complicated.  I don't know how to do this.  My little girls have always been my comfort, my way to fix the wrong by trying to be a good mother to them.  I guess I thought I'd redeem myself that way.  Now they are getting older and they will soon be part of the group of "adult children.".  Will I lose them too?  I can't bear it.

We have a fiery shrub along our driveway.  It's really not pink but a blazing red right now, our burning bush.  I need a burning bush moment, when God will show up and give me some direction.  


"Now Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law, and he led his flock to the west side of the mountain...and an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush.  He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed.  And Moses said, 'I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.' When the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, 'Moses, Moses!'  And he said, 'Here I am.'"  (Exodus 3)


Moses is minding his own business, going about his work, and the bush gets his attention.  "I will turn aside," he says.  He will stop what he's doing and go and check it out.  Then it says WHEN God saw he had turned aside to look, he spoke to him.  When do I ever turn aside to hear what God has to say?


The girls and I recently saw Amazing Grace, a movie about William Wilberforce and his battle to abolish the slave trade in the British Empire.  John Newton, author of the hymn "Amazing Grace", was another interesting character in the film.  He says, "Sometimes God speaks to us through a storm (or burning bush?) and sometimes in a gentle rain...drip, drip, drip."  Maybe I've been seeking a big revelation when I should be listening for God in the ordinary day-to-day moments. (Quote is from the movie.  I don't know if Newton really said that.  But the quote in the beginning of this post is Newton's actual words.)


Newton (in the movie) also said he lived every day with 20,000 ghosts, the faces of the slaves who traveled on his ships.  He had a hard time forgiving himself, but says,"I am a great sinner; Christ is a great Savior."  I know how he feels.


My little girls gather long-stemmed buttercups from our yard and present them to me.  My son Damien calls me on Sunday just to say thank you for doing mom stuff when he was little.  I feel so unworthy of it all.  Amazing grace.

When God spoke to Moses from the burning bush, Moses hid his face.  He said he wasn't up for the task.  God responded, "But I will be with you."