Baby Caden

So our train arrives and Dominic meets us at the Alexandria station.  How wonderful to see him! My son, now a father.  I long to see him in this role.  We quickly arrive at his beautiful home in Arlington.  And there are Stacia and Caden waiting for us!  My new grandson in my arms!  And Liana's!

 

The weekend is almost magical.  Dominic and Stacia's home is a quiet retreat.  It is light and airy and peaceful.  Sunlight streams throughout and the tall windows bring the outdoors in.  And the outdoors at this time of year is amazing!  Flowering trees adorn every home in the neighborhood--pink and white dogwood, redbuds and fluffy cherries.  Shrubs of all sorts are blooming; every home has an explosion of azaleas surrounding it.  Daffodils, tulips and hibiscus accent the lawns. At Dominic's house, a mother blue jay sits on a nest of five eggs within arm's reach of the front porch. The sky is bright blue and filled with bird song.  The fresh green of spring is dazzling.  New life outside, new life inside this house.  A precious baby boy has been born into our family.

The next day Dominic takes us to Capitol Hill, his old neighborhood before he had a wife and son.  We push baby Caden in his stroller on this bright spring day.  We stroll through a farmer's market and taste cheeses and fruit. We walk along the streets and Dominic goes inside a shop to buy us special coffee.  I hold my tiny grandson tight against me, wrapping my jacket around him in the chilly wind.  A street musician plays a couple of children's songs just for Caden. Liana is soaking up the atmosphere, snapping dozens of pictures. She is unusually quiet, maybe like me, she is caught up in the magic. Later, Caden sleeps on my shoulder as we enjoy lunch at Chipolte and then I feed him his milk under a magnolia tree with shiny leaves as we drink real ginger ale that Dominic got for us.  Caden will not remember this day, but I will--always.

And the day is not over.  That evening Dominic and Liana prepare dinner while I soothe Caden after his busy outing to the city.  Daylight is fading and Dominic puts on some music that adds to the tender moments of the day.  Caden is in my arms and I dance with him across the polished hardwood floors. Tears come as I think about tomorrow and saying good-bye to this sweet baby boy with the big blue eyes.  He will be so changed when I see him again.  I'm reminded of a Longfellow poem.  This night is a song and all the cares of the world slip away as I dance with my grandson.  There is peace in this house.

"Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.
And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away."

Dominic and Liana present us with a feast--risotto cakes stuffed with leeks and bacon and mozzarella cheese, fresh green beans from the market we visited today, cucumber salad.  Stacia takes her baby so he can have his own feast, and then Caden sits peacefully on his mother's lap and I look around the table, wanting to hold this little family and this day in my heart forever. 

Someone once told me that every place you visit leaves a mark on your soul and you will never be the same.  Your eyes and your mind are filled with new sights and sounds and you are forever changed.  It's true.  I'm grateful for this weekend. 


 

Trains

Liana and I are heading off for our grand adventure.  We're going to visit Dominic, Stacia and baby Caden in Arlington. Poor Arielle has been sick and can't go. She is disappointed but she and Fred have other adventures planned.

In light of the events in Boston, Fred and Arielle escort us to the big city station. Fred wants to make sure we board the right train safely. We actually find it is quite easy to take the local train to the Amtrak station where you can go anywhere in the country.  I haven't ridden Amtrak since my father died and I headed down to North Carolina for his memorial service. Maybe that ride back home is on my mind because I am just a little uneasy about train travel this day. Back in 1987 an Amtrak train crashed in Chevy Chase, Maryland, and I was on the train just behind it. We were delayed for hours and ended up boarding buses to our destinations.  Today, the armed men with dogs and guns roaming the station add to my anxiety.

Also, due to events in Boston and that train station closed down, our train is very late.  By the time it finally arrives, people have had plenty of time to become impatient and rude.  Even though we have been standing in line so long, a belligerent man has his way and we are at the end of the line to board.  The train is extremely crowded. Liana and I walk car to car, dragging our suitcases behind us.  There are no seats together, and there are not even any seats where we could sit separated yet still see each other.  I will not leave Liana alone like that.

Right when I have reached my frustration limit, we reach the dining car. Why do I get so stressed out?  God always provides for our needs. But at this time 30 minutes have passed since we left the station and we are still wandering.  I see a beautiful conductor woman in the dining car.  I simply tell her we cannot find any seats.  She jumps into action, asking two women in the car to move their laptops over and tells Liana and me to sit down.  Then she points to a man and woman in the adjoining car that we can see.  She says they will be leaving at the next stop and to get up when we hear it called and take their seats.  She even takes our suitcases down next to these people.  What an angel she is!  So we end up with two very fine seats on the train. 

The best part of the trip is getting off the train and seeing my son in his white dress shirt, hugging him hard, and having him take over.  He carries our bags and loads us in his car.  We're here!  I can't wait to see my new grandson!

In conclusion, I highly recommend Amtrak travel.  The ride home on Sunday was so relaxing and comfortable.  Time flew by as we ate the yummy snacks Dominic had given us and played several games of Quiddler.  Once we got to Philadelphia, we saw that we had exactly two minutes to board the next local train.  And we made it!  When we pulled in our station, there was Fred waiting at the end of our journey.  Home!

Science Camp

The girls did not go to camp.  I did.  What was I thinking?  This I wrote at 5:27 a.m. on a Saturday morning:

I've already had a shower. Of the over 50 women in our bunkhouse, only one other person is up. Lights were out at 11 p.m. the night before, but I couldn't sleep. It was a hot, restless night in a sleeping bag on a bunk, a shelf really.  I was on the bottom near the floor, my friend above me, and another bunk above her. I could have been home in my own comfortable bed next to my husband!  But here I am at a women's retreat, a science camp, to learn fun ways to teach science to our kids.  I'm a science teacher.  This will be good. But I miss my family.

We arrived last night at a beautiful campsite in Amish country.  We checked in at the community center, a nice airy room with many long tables set up laden with fun stuff like science project kits, books, workbooks, colored pencils and huge tubs of chocolate.  They know what women like. We chose our t-shirts and claimed our bunks and then had a buffet dinner with the over 100 other women (two bunkhouses full) who also came to the retreat. There was a lot of food, wheat overload, so I couldn't eat much. So I had some cheese and my gluten-free crackers from home. Then we hiked down to the center for our first session.

Coffee, tea and hot chocolate would be provided 24/7!  Okay, this isn't so bad. We had fun meeting some of the other women, some who had driven over 5 hours from several other states to be here. We are all homeschooling mothers and teachers and we want to learn. I met women of all races with many different accents, young moms and old.  This night we sketched with our pencils, filling in anatomical drawings.  It was not so much to learn the information, but to learn how to present.  I often have my biology students sketch and color, so I guess I'm doing something right.  We found out all the interesting items on the tables are not for sale but are prizes!  Moms like prizes. Unfortunately I didn't win anything until the end when they said anyone who did not get a prize could go up and get one. I got a blood testing kit for Liana.  She has been wanting one.  The grand prize was a life size skeleton!  I would have loved that!  But to win it we had to decorate a plastic frog dissection apron.  When I saw the artistic skills of some of the women, I gave up trying. 

We sat and talked a long time after the session, hoping to get sleepy enough to crash once we got back to the bunkhouse. That didn't happen. I don't know how I'll make it through the day.

And the next day...

Breakfast, heavily processed, wheat everything.  Lunch the same. But at $25 for the whole weekend, I shouldn't complain about the food or the accommodations. We enjoy getting to know some of the women.  I sit next to a woman from Washington, D.C., a tall, elegant woman with long dreadlocks and a colorful scarf.  She just took her high school-aged son out of school.  He sounds brilliant and she wants to expose him to some of the many opportunities available to him in our capitol city.  Another woman told me her history of immigrating from South Africa as a young woman.  Two Chinese women from Connecticut with heavy accents were fascinated by my family and I loved hearing their stories. A strong, beautiful woman from rural West Virginia added another dimension to our conversation.These people made the event worthwhile.  So many women from such varied backgrounds but all of us with a common goal--to educate our children as we see fit, education specifically tailored around our families' values and our individual children's needs.  All these women are striving for excellence and want the best for their children.

Science all day!  9 a.m. to 6 p.m. with just a short lunch break. We did blood testing and extracted DNA from our cheek cells. I am full of ideas on how to make science more exciting for my girls and also for my students.  But my friend and I can't imagine another night in the bunkhouse.  So we bail out early and miss the dissection planned for Sunday morning.  (A pregnant sheep uterus. It would have been fascinating.) 

I am so happy to see my family again!  But now we are preparing for our next grand adventure.  More on that after it happens.

Yard Work

We had a very tall tree in our backyard that bent and swayed in the wind, looming over the roof every time we had a storm.  It was an accident waiting to happen. The trunk was rotting away, destroyed by carpenter ants. Fred finally called a tree service to have it taken down.

The four of us must have spent a good two hours watching the tree men.  Forget about school--this was far more educational and entertaining.  A crew arrived on time and got right to work.  The girls noted they all spoke Spanish, which we are trying to learn so we can understand.  The "climber" strapped on some kind of contraption to his shoes and he scooted up that tree as fast as a squirrel, all the time holding a big chainsaw in one hand!  He was not attached to any rope or anything else to secure him in case he fell.  He took the tree down branch by branch and then cut the trunk ABOVE his head.  He seemed to know just where it would fall.  The huge pieces of wood fell to the earth with tremendous force. Some speared the ground like giant daggers standing upright in the grass. The guys on the ground seemed to know just where the branches would land too because they were always in the right place out of the way.  The climber leapt from tree to tree, trimming other branches from nearby trees.  It was cold and windy and he would swing from side to side as the tree swayed, stepping out on impossibly small limbs to get the job done.  I went out on the deck to take a couple of pictures and then thought better of it.  I was afraid for his safety because then he seemed to show off a bit, taking more risks.  Whatever this man gets paid, it is not enough.  He has amazing skill and courage.  His talents will prevent damage to our home in the future. 

The rest of the crew sawed the branches, taking the small ones into their chipper and leaving nice logs for us to use as firewood.  They neatly cleaned up the yard and drove away all in about three hours, start to finish.  That included taking down one tree completely and trimming three others!  Such hardworking, efficient men. Fred has much work to do splitting all that wood.  But he doesn't mind.  We are thankful for this provisiion of fuel for next winter.  God always provides.  We rarely used our furnace this past winter because of other wood we were given. 

Now we are working on our vegetable garden.  On a lovely, warm, insect-free day we spent the afternoon in the garden.  Fred put up even MORE fencing, this time to keep out the rabbits.  We've fought the groundhogs and deer in previous years. The fence gets higher and deeper in the ground. The squirrels won their battle with the corn and we couldn't figure out any way to keep them out, so now we just don't plant corn.  Last summer the rabbits found a way in through very small openings in the mesh of the fence.  Fred is ready for them this season. Then as Fred tilled, the girls and I pulled out clots of weeds and grass.  The breeze was warm on our faces and the rich soil was cool to our hands.  Hands and knees, we crawled behind the tiller and it was joy to connect with our little piece of the earth. I raked the garden smooth and then planted our greens.  Swiss chard and collards, mesclun, spinach, arugula and escarole.  Another season of new life, nutritious food.  We are thankful for vigor and good health.

Headlong into Spring

Wait!  How can it be that winter is almost over?  That soon we will be planting a new garden and spending our evenings outdoors?  I'm still holding the stories of the first three months of this year that I haven't written.  Too much time has passed and the emotions of those events are hard to describe.  What I didn't write about:

My baby's 13th birthday!  How did this happen?  All of you with little babies right now--people tell you to enjoy these days because "they grow up so fast."  Believe me, it is true.  There is no way to recapture those lost days.  But Fred and I will rejoice in a new stage of life with two teenage daughters! 

On a wintry night in February with a Nor'easter moving in, we drove to our school for a talent show.  My Arielle played a beautiful song with our good friend Julia and one of my students on the drum. I was just getting used to my new camera and did not take any good pictures.  I even thought I'd taken a video, but no, it didn't work.

 

 

Also in February we celebrated Joey's first birthday.  It was a big party NOT at our house!  How liberating!  It was fun to all be together at Anthony and Kim's house.  They put out a big spread and welcomed us all. 

 

 

 

And now we come to Easter. It was a rainy, cold day and we had a wild egg hunt in the house.  Everyone brought good food and we made it a casual dinner.  Liana and the little girls played American Girl dolls (love it!) and Arielle joined the adult conversation.  This picture was not taken at my house, but little Jordan portrays my sentiments exactly at the end of the evening.

 

 

Our newest family member was missing from this celebration!  We will be leaving soon to meet baby Caden. I can't wait until he is here in Pennsylvania to meet his many cousins and join in the fun.









The Thousandth Gift

Ever since I read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts, I have been keeping a list.  I have tried to cultivate a habit of gratitude to God in myself and my children, instead of complaint that comes so naturally.  We are so blessed!  My pages and pages of scribbled gifts remind me.  So I have reached One Thousand now.   There have been many more that I neglected to record or neglected to even see.  But let me share my thousandth:

996.  A day with Deacon and getting to know my little grandson better
997.  Watching The Bible together on TV
998.  Spring birds singing as we all anticipate the end of winter
999.  A feast of abundant food that God provides

1000.  My new grandson Caden River is born on March 3, 2013!

I have ten grandchildren now!  (One we are still waiting to see.)  But each new little one is like it was the very first. I can't wait to meet baby Caden. God is so good to our family and we continue to grow.  My list continues...

 

Involuntary Fast

I can't believe February is over.  What have we done?  I've been too busy to write, which means too busy to think.  Because if I am thinking, I always have lots to write about. 

I was in the middle of an interesting conversation with my step-mother.  She was filling me in on some ancestors I never knew and giving me details about my father that makes me realize I wasn't missing much by never knowing him.  She sent two boxes of his stuff that she doesn't want.  While I'm talking to her, Fred comes home from work with a big Chipotle bag!  It's going to be a great dinner!  He is so generous to stop and buy us all burrito bowls. (And Fred doesn't even like them.) I can't wait to eat.

Suddenly I actually feel like a whirlwind is spinning in my brain and I'm dizzy.  That begins a very long and lonely night on the cold bathroom tile floor.  Norovirus!  Within hours I hear Arielle upstairs.  She is in the same shape I'm in.  And I can't even go and help her because I'm so weak I can't walk up the stairs.  The next day Liana falls to the virus too.  Then Fred.  Sickness has a way of ending all plans and nothing seems important except getting well. We have no desire to read or watch TV or even talk to each other. Due to the nature of this virus, we also have no desire whatsoever to eat.  For days.  The Chipotle we longed for gets thrown away uneaten.  Life stops. 

While I'm sick I think about food and how I don't care about eating anymore.  Normally, our lives revolve around meals: the planning, the preparing, the cleaning up.  Now nothing.  I feel like my head clears and I can think better without food.  When we do begin to eat again, we eat slowly and thoughtfully. I never want to go back to mindlessly stuffing my face with food.  It seems obscene now.  

Our first real meal is soup I prepared to replenish our purged bodies and souls-- a soup of organic kale, tomatoes, carrots from our summer garden, and white beans.  We even have a small dessert of Cara Cara oranges.  I don't think any meal has ever tasted more delicious.

I would hope to never crave again counterfeit food over the riches God provides that grow on this good earth he gave us.  Is that the lesson to be learned from our fast?  My daughter-in-law Gretchen brought over kefir and got me started on making my own.  It is a potent tonic to restore our health and boost our immune systems.  Here is my first batch.  Anyone want a taste?  

A Few Good Men

My husband left the house at 3:30 a.m. to plow and salt the church parking lot.  He works so hard.  Besides his full-time job, he is always looking for side jobs to bring in extra money.  He is always doing some sort of work at home too, fixing, repairing, improving.  I'm ashamed to say he is quick to do a job I forgot to do, and he never complains about it.  Even this snowy day he calls from work to say, "Wait for me to get home and we'll all go outside and have fun in the snow together."  Have fun?  It's his way of saying we girls don't have to shovel the driveway and deck and sidewalk.  He will do it later.  But, of course, we don't wait.  To honor him we make sure the work is done before he gets home.  We're an efficient team and we anticipate him arriving home with no more work to do. 

The girls are happy to help their dad because he sets the example for generosity.  Fred and I learned a marriage principle that really works.  We try to outdo one another in showing love and respect.  But Fred wins every time.  He is the sacrificial one.

My brother was in town on business and came for dinner.  He said his 18 year old daughter--my niece--has made a list qualities she hopes to find in a potential husband.  If she's looking for high ideals, she need only look to her father.  Like Fred, my brother is a good man:  generous, wise, loving, helpful, and respectful to his wife and children.  My own daughters can look to their father too.  I hope none of these girls will settle for less.

Fred recently won an award at work.  He was voted the man most willing to help out wherever needed.  He is what the Bible describes and our church calls a servant-leader, leading others, whether employees or family, with respect and humility.  It means being willing to dig in and work alongside others, never regarding himself as being too superior to do the dirty work.  "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant."  Words of Jesus.  (Matthew 20:26)

I know a few other good men, my sons for example.  They work hard and take good care of their families.  I am honored that all of these men are part of my family.

Generations

My daughter-in-law Gretchen came over early so we could all cook together and prepare for Stacia's baby shower.  Gretchen brought Jordan and put her in a little swinging baby seat where she could bounce around and watch us all.  Gretchen is a great cook and she started preparing her soups.  Then she arranged beautiful flowers in vases and decorated the dining room with the girls helping her. Each of us would stop in our work to love on Jordan in her swing.  Gretchen created a hot cocoa bar with whipped cream and crushed cinnamon candies.  What a sweet treat! I am not good at entertaining or planning, so I was so grateful for all the help.  When Jordan got fussy and was put in her baby chair, Liana rocked her to sleep.  All these girls in our family are so efficient and talented. 

At one point in our bustling around I recognized God's gift of this particular morning. I had so many little boys at one time and took such pleasure in their childhood and boyish activity.  Now here are my tiny granddaughter, my two daughters, and my daughter-in-law, all of us working together in one room, the conversation light, anticipating the fun of the shower.  Why am I so blessed?  Gretchen said one day we will be doing this in the future, but the roles will be changed.  Jordan will be the one rocking someone's baby, Gretchen will be the old mom and my girls will be the young moms at the stove.  Maybe I won't be there at all.  But that's okay.  It's how it's meant to be.  Others carrying on the family traditions.  Others carrying the faith.  "One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts."  (Psalm 145)  We must not forget to tell the stories of God's blessings.

Our house fills with women, family and friends. Joey, almost one year old now, practices his new walking skills while we all cheer him on. Then it's a wonderful celebration of a new mama and a new baby to come. Life is good.  God is gracious.

Christmas 2012

The Old and the New

We ended 2012 with a celebration of God's goodness toward us and our families.  The girls and Fred and I have our own New Year's Eve tradition and as we ate our seafood feast, we reflected on our gifts.  First, the gift of life.  We indeed have another year to celebrate!  I think of the year 2004 when I was very sick with my mysterious lung condition.  A top doctor at a top hospital diagnosed me with a terminal disease.  I had never heard of it, so I looked it up.  To my devastation I saw that the prognosis was poor and most people who had it did not live past 7 years.  My girls were so little!  But the doctor was wrong and God has given me many more years.  Fred's broken leg and then his surgical incident didn't stop us for long either.   I am very grateful for the full and rich lives God has given us.

We had another wonderful gathering of family for Christmas too.  Babies!  What joy in our lives!  Jordan in her Santa suit and Joey in his pjs adorned with Christmas lights. The food, the crazy chaos, the laughter, the gift wrap everywhere while Fred walked around compulsively with a black trash bag.  The week of school break brought staying-in family time with rousing games of Catan and Wizard and us overeating all the leftover snack food we normally don't have.  New Year's Day gave us dear friends who moved to California years ago, but still return to bless us with their sweet children and good friendship.  Our traditional New Year's pork loin and sauerkraut (in honor of my Polish husband) became Korean Braised Beef over rice (in honor of them). 

Then right when we were going back to work, the girls and I had fun taking care of Jordan.  Arielle and Liana are going to be great mothers someday.  They are both so nurturing and loving.  We loved on that baby all afternoon!  What a gift she is to our family!

So now we are back in our school routine, and teaching my classes at the co-op is looming.  I have yet to crack the books.  It's so hard to break out of that lazy cycle we've been indulging in.  Both girls battled with the Sabouri Brothers today as they did math and Algebra II. (Teaching Textbooks.)  Arielle has a science fair project due in two weeks, but she is distracted by a winter formal coming up.  But we remember, life is good!  Every day is good!  We've already just about used up four days in 2013!  Did we treasure each one?  Did we bless others?  Did we waste our precious time here on earth? 

My New Year's resolution comes from Proverbs 3:27 and Galatians 6:10:  "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it."  "So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone..."  I don't want to withhold a blessing when it is in my power to give one.  Feel free to call me on this one if I am not doing right.  I really want to be a blessing.  Only through God's grace.

I had pictures...Blogger won't let me upload for some reason. Maybe later.

Rejoice!

I couldn't leave this blog on such a bitter note right before Christmas.  God is good, giving a message of hope.

We went to church at a later service than we normally attend.  As we watched the people enter the sanctuary, I was amazed by the diversity.  I always felt somewhat uneasy about the majority of white, wealthy folks that filled our church when we first started coming years ago.  But today, especially, I noticed the rich variety of colors and races and cultures walking down the aisles, crowding into the pews.  It seemed only fitting that our first hymn was:

"O come, Desire of nations, bind
All people in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease;
Fill the whole world with heaven's peace;
Rejoice! Rejoice!..."

The pastor read from Isaiah 9, that familiar passage we all know: "For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."

Many aren't so familiar with the chapter before, when the Assyrians invaded and Israel was razed.  Chapter 8 ends with, "They will pass through the land, greatly distressed and hungry.  And when they are hungry, they will be enraged and will speak contemptuously against their king and their God, and turn their faces upward.  And they will look to the earth, but behold, distress and darkness, the gloom of anguish.  And they will be thrust into darkness."  God is at war with us when we rebel against him and we will live in gloom and misery. 

Yet, into chapter 9, "The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined." When we realize our desperate situation, we will come come to the light and be healed and be saved.

"O come, O come, Immanuel..."  Immanuel, God with us.  He has come.  He is here now. God sent light and redemption through his Son. We have much reason to rejoice!

Just My Thoughts...

Like everyone else, I'm just trying to make sense of what is senseless.  We want answers and explanations about how this tragedy in Connecticut could happen.  And we are outraged!  And angry, and we want someone to blame.  Because if we could just figure out who exactly is to blame, we could prevent this from happening again.

Job 12:5 says, "In the thought of one who is at ease there is contempt for misfortune."  Those of us living (momentarily) in peace and safety would like to say that calamity cannot come to us because we have our lives in order and we are not like "those people."  Every single day we hear of shootings on the streets of our big city. This thinking insures our continued perfect life. But when tragedy happens to ordinary people, it shakes our world.

In my anger, I've tried to find blame too.  I came up with the conclusion that this latest massacre is a culmination of all that is wrong with our society.  So who or what can we blame?  First thought, of course, is to blame the shooter.  But we can't do that because he has a psychiatric disorder.  People are not responsible for their behavior if they have a diagnosis, and the list just keeps getting longer.

1. The media?  We live in a culture that glorifies violence in movies, on TV, and in video games played incessantly by impressionable teenage boys.  Violent themes abound, because people want this and are willing to pay for it.

2.  Guns?  Why can people go into a store and buy military-style assault weapons?  For deer hunting?  For home defense?  Let's make this political and ban guns and all will be well in the world.

3.  Public education?  It has just about succeeded in eliminating the Christian faith from every aspect of a child's life during the six hours he is sitting in a classroom. 

4.  Public education, again.  Aren't schools supposedly on the lookout for troubled kids who need help?  Why wasn't this young man given the resources and the help he so obviously needed.  But I bet the school had a great sports program.

5.  Broken families?  We heard the guy had an absent father and a mother who spent her time in bars or on the shooting range with her troubled son.  Parents oblivious to the needs of their children.  This one cuts into my heart. 

6.  Our environment?  Why do we have so many damaged kids to begin with?  What is in our air, our water, our food that causes young children to develop autism and ADD and a host of other behavior issues that no one seems to understand?  We're breathing toxins, swallowing toxins, absorbing toxins, and injecting our kids with toxins.  They're drowning in them.  And we're surprised when things go wrong in their brains.

7.  Big corporations?  When researchers try to find causes for all that ails American children, they are silenced and ridiculed if their conclusions affect the bottom dollar.

8.  Relativism?  All points of view are equally valid.  We don't want anyone to take offense.   There are no more moral values. There is no right or wrong.  But wait!  I think we most all agree that killing 6 years olds is wrong!   On that common ground, can't we do SOMETHING to try to prevent tragedies like this?

But no, we cannot.  We live in this world we've created and we suffer the consequences of it.

Some may say, you forgot to blame God.  When we want to absolve ourselves in any role we may have played, we say it was God who allowed it.  And he did.  I have no answers for that, and when Job tried to find the answer to his suffering, God's responded by asking him questions.  We draw conclusions about God because of what has been revealed to us, not accounting for all that is hidden from us.  When Jesus saw the suffering of Lazarus's family, he wept.  He cares; he knows. When Jesus looked out upon the city on the way to his own death, he cried, "Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it!  How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!  See, your house is left to you desolate."  (Matthew 23:37, 38.)

More Sounds

Two days after Arielle's birthday some of my much-loved women friends joined me for a Christmas brunch at church.  Every year hundreds of women come together to eat rich food, to enjoy beautiful candle-lit table settings and great conversations, and to hear various types of speakers.  We never quite know what the speaker will be like, and some are better than others.  But the main point of this gathering is to just have a good time with friends and be surrounded by all the trappings of the holiday season. I love it!  And men in white shirts serve us! That always makes me smile.  Like my friend Helen said, "I can come here and nothing is expected of me."  We can just relax and get out of our regular, hectic life routine.

We toured the tables when we arrived, each decorated by a different woman who volunteered to bring in her best china and centerpiece.  We talked and ate ham and pastries and fruit.  Then we headed down to the sanctuary to hear the speaker.  All we knew about her was that she was a 9/11 widow.  What a dynamic speaker she was!  I wish I could remember all that she said. Her points were so right and true. Her story was by turns tragic and funny, but always honest and deep.  We were blessed this morning!  Testimony--another sound of this Christmas season.  People giving testimony to God's goodness in the face of suffering and loss.  I wish I could quote the one phrase she repeated several times.  Something about when the whys of life torment us and when the unknowns of the future scare us, we need to remember that what we already know about God is enough to trust him for whatever is to come.  This idea keeps coming to mind.  I've walked with Jesus a long time.  Once I left him, but he took me back.  God has revealed himself in incredible ways through the years.  I don't have all the answers, but I have enough to know that this verse is true: "the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you--so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is faithful, to whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." I Corinthians 1.

Did you notice all the times the name of Jesus is proclaimed in that one verse?  I didn't notice until I typed it.  I give testimony to his name!  It is powerful; it is divisive; it is a stumbling block.  But... "God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."  Philippians 2. 

Sounds of the Season

Arielle's birthday was joyous.  We celebrated with family a week earlier, so the actual day of her birthday was just hers to enjoy. She wanted to go to the mall (of course) and we had a mom-sister-daughter day full of laughter and fun. In the evening our friend Julia came over so the girls could practice for their concert at the retirement center on Sunday.  I came into Arielle's  crowded room and sat on the floor to hear them rehearse.  The lovely sounds of their guitars blending together as they played old carols made Christmas perfect for me. If that was all, it would be enough. Thank you, Arielle, for this gift.

 

For her birthday, I gave Arielle a different kind of gift.  It was a journal I kept since she was a baby. I started it at the time of our trip to China and then occasionally I would write more as she grew. Unfortunately, I kind of forgot about it in later years. We moms get busy and sometimes neglect what might be most beneficial to just get through the urgent needs of the day. Anyway, I hoped the journal would bless Arielle, that she would know how precious she was and still is to us.  I didn't even know if she would be interested in plowing through all that mom-baby talk.  I added one more entry at the end, for her 15th birthday.

On her birthday night I kissed her good-night with the full moon shining through her window and lighting up her beautiful face. She hugged me tight and said the journal was her best gift.  If there was ever any doubt, she now KNOWS how much she is loved!  Gift received.

On a bigger scale, do we sometimes live our lives wondering if our God really loves us?   Christmas is the time to remember that God sent his son to give us the gift of himself--to adopt us into his family, to love us unconditionally, and to be with us forever, even beyond the grave.  We need to reach out and receive this gift.  Read God's love letter to us and be blessed this season.   

Wild, Wacky Weekend

My friend calls it Happy Chaos. Chaos, definitely.  But not always happy.  We had two big family dinners in the course of three days--Thanksgiving and Arielle's birthday.  It was wild and exhausting, and wonderful too. I thought I was well-prepared.  The day before Thanksgiving I got a lot of prep work done, in hopes that the next day would be relaxed and peaceful. Somehow it wasn't.  In the morning I wrestled the giblets out of this big 21-pound turkey that was still partially frozen. But no complaints--our local store granted it for free!  The rest of the morning I systematically checked off the dishes from my list as I completed them.  It's been the same menu every year and I've done it for about 35 years. 

Then the guests arrived (all 21 of them), and things got a little chaotic, mostly due to one little boy.  He just has too much pent-up energy and needed to get it out before civility would be required of him at dinner. (He needed a few more hours outdoors, as it turned out.)  So the kids big and small headed for the backyard.  The rest of us girls did the finishing touches on dinner--that last minute rush to get everything out and keep it hot. Even after 35 years, that part is stressful.

I never want to exclude children from the holiday dinner table but this year we all couldn't fit around it.  So we decided to put the youngest (not counting babies) in the kitchen, even moving the table closer to the big table in the dining room so they wouldn't feel left out.  Arielle volunteered to supervise and eat with them.  Good girl!  But our little guy refused to sit down and instead climbed around on his father's lap at the big table and threw silverware.  Or else he was under the table like a dog, periodically coming up to try to unseat someone else. The babies were peaceful, amazingly, Joey in his highchair and tiny Jordan in her infant seat--their first Thanksgiving.

 

Around the table we gave thanks.  This year many expressed their gratitude for their spouses and that was inspiring to hear.  Even the little girls joined in, shy in front of the big group of us.  Mattie had a hard time speaking up, so she wrote down her thankful list and we hung it on the refrigerator:  "I am thankful for my family, my food, houses, and more. I also am thankful for my cat Zombie Kitty because if he was not in our house he might die." (Her dad found a stray, injured cat who can't walk.)

After dinner Dominic jumped up and washed ALL the dishes!  I don't think I had any energy left to do it, so he was a lifesaver to me.  I am grateful for my son!  We then had a dessert buffet that I did not have to make, including gluten-free Jewish apple cake baked by Kim!  Thanks, kids, for all the yummy treats.  The little girls ran off to their private games that involve little toys and Japanese erasers and notes on scraps of paper.  Everyone was winding down and getting ready to leave and then we found unwanted guests!  Ticks!  They must have come in with the kids when they were outside.  Some ticks were attached to their hosts, some still strolling about, looking for a good place for a feast.  Two days later I broke out from poison ivy.  Someone must have brought it in on their clothes because I was never outside.  Ticks and poison ivy the end of November!  Who would have thought? 

At the end of Arielle's party, little Joey fell asleep on Fred's lap and then Fred fell asleep with him. Grandpa.  It's a role Fred loves. I walked outside with one of my daughters-in-law, up to the parking lot across the street--our "overflow" parking.  It was cold and clear and dark.  She strapped the three little ones in their car seats and I kissed them all good-bye and told them I loved them.  And in that moment, I realized it was all worth it.  The stress and craziness and plain hard work. Thanksgiving night I said to Dominic, "No more!  I can't do this."  And maybe I won't do it for Christmas.  But by next Thanksgiving I'll be rested up. My mother gave up making the big holiday meal years ago.  I understand why.  This year she called to tell me she would only have my sister with her.  They would enjoy their little Cornish hens together, but my mother sounded sad that no one else was coming for dinner. So I will be grateful for my big family who still want to come and gather for the holidays.  I'm thankful for new babies to add to the mix and I praise God we were all still here around the table.  No chair was empty. 

"Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man...Bless our God, O people; let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip."  Psalm 66.

Halloween Babies

As most of you know, we don't do anything to celebrate Halloween, but this year the two newest members of our family stopped over to show off their adorable costumes.  So here it is almost Thanksgiving and I'm just getting around to posting Halloween pictures.  Life is a little overwhelming right now.  But we couldn't be more blessed.

Night with Sandy

As darkness fell, the winds gradually increased in speed.  Our trees that had been gently swaying became angry and bent violently, driven one direction and then another.  The bamboo shook with fury, scattering the poor birds still trying to roost.  We know that hurricanes come with bands of wind, so after a fierce dance with Sandy, the trees would stand silent and serene for several minutes.  It was eerie.

Fred said to hurry with dinner and get out of the kitchen with its wall of windows.  We were spooked when we heard a loud crash against the side of the house.  Earlier in the day we had taken bedding and supplies downstairs and two twin mattresses into our spare room.  The girls and I would sleep crosswise on them during the storm.  Fred said he needed to be upstairs to watch over the house.  I think he didn't relish a night on the floor.  Good thing too.  His phone rang all night as his work crew at church called with their questions and concerns.  The men were manning the generators.  

Right when we were getting ready for sleep, the electricity went out.  The girls were excited with the candles and lanterns and flashlights.  That stuff is fun--temporarily.  I was glad it was time to go to bed anyway and hopefully we would have power in the morning.  But what else would we face in the morning?  I didn't want to think about that.   So Fred went upstairs and we settled in on the mattresses on the floor in our windowless room against a bank of earth on one side.  Safe.  Dominic has always said he likes sleeping there because it is so dark and silent.  It is, and we all fell quickly to sleep.  

I was awakened by a beep-beep-beep-beep.  What in the world was that?  Arielle's ipod in its dock?  A smoke detector?  I got a flashlight and went to investigate.  It was the box where our phone service comes in from the street, letting us know it was on battery back-up.  Okay.  But how to make it stop beeping?  It wouldn't turn off and I couldn't sleep with that beep-beep-beep-beep every 30 seconds all night long.  Awake so long, I listened to the roar of the wind.  It is true when people say it sounds like a train during a storm. I peeked out the window but the rain made it impossible to see anything. Then there was a knocking on the back wall of the basement.  What was that?  And cracking of branches from the woods.  Scary sounds. We had prayed for safety.  God would see us through whatever happened.

I finally fell asleep near dawn when the beeping faded to four little chirps as the battery on the box wore down.  I heard Fred up and we looked out to survey the damage.  Amazingly, there was little!  A few branches in the yard.  Our lilac tree split in half, but it did not fall across the deck.  Fred's tarps covering the cords of wood were shredded.  The bamboo was battered.  A big pine tree had fallen across the road.  That's about it.  We are very thankful to God.  

We still had no power.  My resourceful husband had prepared for this.  He had the Coleman camping stove set up with the old percolator and he made coffee and I made oatmeal for breakfast. It was chilly so Fred made a fire in the woodstove. He got the generator going for the refrigerator and he hooked up the TV so we could see what had happened the night before.  I realize that in a time of uncertainty, you really desire news from the outside world.  It was bad news for many people in New York and New Jersey.  The devastation was incredible. We are very fortunate.

The electricity came on later in the day.  Damien sent an e-mail titled "close call."  This tree would have fallen on the room where Gretchen has been sleeping with the baby if the other tree had not caught it.  God is good.
 

Waiting for the Storm

The bamboo birds are confused.  Every dawn, right on schedule, they leave the bamboo grove in a blanket of dark wings across the sky and head due south.  This morning, although the winds aren't strong and it's not even raining, they congregate in a tree north of our house.  One by one they fly down to the street and hop around nervously.  The road is covered in wandering birds.  They know what's coming, but they don't know what to do.

The weather maps tell us a monster storm is approaching.  Will it really be as bad as they predict?  Maybe it will fizzle out.  Or will it be worse? I remember Katrina and watching that radar picture moving across the Gulf.  No one imagined the devastation. 

I am tempted to worry, especially about my kids and their new homes and the big trees surrounding them.  I think of the little ones asleep in their beds in the night next to glass windows when the storm is supposed to surge into our area.  I gaze outside at our trees that should have been trimmed long ago.  Fred says we will sleep in the basement tonight.

The Creator of the storm knows our worries and our needs.  "The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge."  Psalm 18.  "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock."  Matthew 7.

My good husband is home building us a fire.  We're prepared for an emergency.  We don't know what's coming but we know what to do.  Our good God is in control.

The Best Weekend

 

I only dreamed I saw a falling star, but I really did see a bluebird.  He perched on the deck railing, feathers ruffling in the cold breeze.  He puffed himself out, as if shivering against the bite of the wind.  His little head swiveled to look right at us in the window watching, unafraid, then he stretched out one blue wing before taking to the air again.  It was cloudy the night of the meteor shower.  I do want to see a falling star someday, but the bluebird is enough.  Heaven and earth are full of wonder.

Can it get any better than this?  A warm, windy weekend in autumn, the leaves at their peak of glory.  Dominic and Stacia drove up from DC to celebrate Lana's birthday and to see baby Jordan.  The family met at a pumpkin farm and we joyously trampled through a dry, rustling cornfield looking for clues in some game I never did comprehend. But that didn't matter. The sun was bright on our faces and the kids big and small laughed and threw corn kernels at each other.  (Against the rules.)

On the farm we bought apples and gourds and chestnuts and rummaged around in a flea market.  Doing nothing and yet doing everything.  Five of my six children here together, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren.  What more could I ask for?  Nothing more.  I am full to the brim with joy.

We drove the short trip back to Jon's house for Lana's party.  Jon and Chrissy are gracious hosts and it is comfortable to be at their new house, enjoying conversation and not busying myself with meal preparations.  Anthony and Kim come with baby Joey and his big smile lights up the room.  Little Jordan asleep in my arms, a glimpse of heaven.  Precious baby so new to this world.  What does she dream of?  Laci, Mattie, Lana and Liana run off to play, cousins, girlfriends.  Deacon hasn't a playmate yet, but another baby boy is on the way and we think how these little guys too will be good friends. Dominic leaves when no one notices and comes back with a special treat--gluten-free pizza!  We share this delicious meal while others munch on tomato pie and pastries.





  And the weekend is not over! As if that wasn't joy enough.  We make plans for geocaching in a nearby park.  We all have so many memories in this park. Our first fall in Pennsylvania coming from the windy plains of Oklahoma, stunned by the glorious trees.  Hikes and hide-n-seek with Anthony, Jon and Marissa when they were little.  Fred's elderly mother stumbling along the paths to the site of her daughter's ashes.  All the years we've walked these trails and here we are again.  Today, every turn is unbelievable beauty, the towering trees ablaze with color.  Even our feet tread on a carpet of reds and golds. Liana and Lana are off on an adventure known only to them.  Big sisters Arielle and Marissa share girl talk.  The guys search for treasure and find trinkets here and there. Fred, who works so hard under so much stress, unwinds.  How could anyone walk through this forest and not be changed? My family--here together in this wondrous setting!  I found my treasure. I have no other desires, no other dreams.  Everything I ever wanted is fulfilled here this weekend.