Father's Day just passed and I've been reading tributes to fathers on Facebook. How wonderful that some people have had good fathers. Years ago I was watching a soccer game along with many other parents. A father beside me was holding his little daughter in his arms and I could see the deep love and affection he had for her. Tears sprang to my eyes with longing and regret. I never had that kind of fatherly love. I won't rehash all my father issues, but once again, I've been thinking of fathers. For two of my sons, this was their first Father's Day!
When I became a Christian, one of the first verses I memorized was John 1:12: "But to all who received him (Jesus), who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." Was I really a child of God? God was my Father? What did that mean? I didn't know how to trust and depend on a father.
A bad father isn't trustworthy. He could be kind one day and cruel the next. I've read that children that grow up in a home with that kind of uncertainty live tortured lives because they never know what to expect. A bad father doesn't care about his children's needs; he is self-centered. He neglects his children. He is distant, withholding love. He is a hard disciplinarian, sometimes using physical violence or words that hurt just as badly. Bad fathers invoke fear, distrust, disgust, and hatred. A child's response is to flee. That's just what I did at age 18.
I knew God was a good father but I thought he was a punishing father. I could never live up to his expectations and I lived in self-condemnation for many years. That is still an issue I struggle with at times. I couldn't understand unconditional love. How can God the Father still love me when I did this and this and this? I could fill in the blanks with a list of sins. Why hasn't God given up on me? Why does he continue to forgive and to love and to bless me? I don't deserve it.
From the examples of my husband, my brothers, and my own sons I have learned what a good father looks like. He is faithful and consistent with his children. They know what to expect. He loves always and always forgives. He is generous, sacrificing his own needs for those of his children. He lavishes love on them with his strong arms and encouraging words. Yes, there is discipline, but discipline to train, to show right from wrong. But it is not harsh and it hurts the father to give it. A good father protects with his life and provides everything the children need. They respond with repentance for wrongdoing, gratitude, respect and obedience. They long for his presence. My girls are always saying, "When is Dad coming home?" They miss him when he isn't here.
I realize my husband portrays unconditional love, not just to his children but to me all the time too. I often hurt him with harsh words. I know I must disappoint him and discourage him at times. But like God the Father, he continues to forgive, and to love, and to bless me. Fred has taught me to accept the Father's love and not fear his rebuke and withdrawal.
For those who have good fathers, be grateful for that great gift. What a privilege to be raised by a man who reflects God's love. And for those who don't have a father like that or those who have no earthly father any longer, learn to trust God. He is a Father who keeps all the promises in his Word. In the Psalms there is a repeating refrain: "God's steadfast love and faithfulness." I've learned to trust my heavenly Father. He is always near, always listening, and he never gives up on me.
"See what kind of love that Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God: and so we are." I John 3:1.
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