Day 6, Wednesday

This picture was taken at bedtime last night. I went to bed weeping for this girl and woke doing the same. This is just too hard. To make it worse I was so frustrated with what was on TV this morning. Cosmetic surgery! Eyelash conditioner! This gadget, that gadget! Everyone wants more, we want bigger and better. All this when the children of the world are suffering. I'm starting to understand my son more, who has traveled the world and seen the poverty and need. I am disgusted with our culture of excess.

Okay, enough of that. Look at this precious girl. She is a big girl physically, but so much wants to be a little girl--nurtured and loved. She is calling me Mama now and sits on my lap, holds my hand, comes up behind me and hugs me. Today we got up late again. Everyone is so exhausted. The girls all swam in the little pool on the deck and then drew hopscotch lines on the driveway and played together. Diana knows the game. We all went into the garden and picked beans. Diana is like a bull in the china shop--no finesse, and I wished I knew the Russian word for gentle. I even tried kissing the bean leaves to get the message across. Later we went to the library. She found a Madeline book that really caught her interest and even carried it while we walked to the playground. Diana is a strong girl. She can do those bars where you go hand over hand while you are hanging in the air.

It started to rain so we came home for lunch. I had to make a bank run and my girls didn't want to go--too boring. But Diana did, not knowing what a bank is. She took a lollypop from the basket and I reminded her--Arielle and Liana. She took two more. I walked with her to the candy store next door and she chose three more things. When we got home she hid all the candy behind her back and I was afraid she was trying to hide it from the girls. But no, she wanted to surprise them! They all sat on the couch and watched a video from the library and ate their candy. But Diana was disappointed (and surprised) it wasn't in Russian.

This evening we went to the local pool club with two other families and had a cook-out and let the kids swim. They were all so excited and swam for hours. One of the Russian boys came without his swimsuit. No problem, he stripped down and swam in his underwear and didn't think a thing of it. Diana ate nothing at the picnic but when we got home she ate two hot dogs loaded with onions and cucumbers. Who knew?

It was tough getting the girls to bed tonight. Everyone was overstimulated. I hope they sleep well. Old Mom and Dad are ready to fall over, we're so tired. I am more at peace tonight. My friend Helen called at one of those desperate moments and said she would be there for us to see us through no matter what decision we make. I talked to one of the other host moms at the pool who reminded me we are not responsible for the destiny of these children--God is. Maybe his plan is for us to be part of their future. Maybe not. We just need to be willing to do what he asks. This woman is adopting two of the boys.