The Dares have given me lots to think about. I admit I have been envious of Fred at times--his charisma with people mostly. I think back on cooking for the Alpha course at church. We worked in the kitchen with some difficult people. I would usually just keep to myself and ignore them. Not Fred. He made the effort to talk and joke with them, listen to their tales. He accepted their quirks and helped them with their tasks. They, in turn, loved him. He was greeted with enthusiasm each week when we arrived. Me, they ignored.
People always like Fred more than me. When he was a chiropractor, his patients adored him. He had the busiest practice in town. They mourned his retirement. But really, Fred and I are not competitors. I am thankful he's the way he is and I'm glad he's my husband!
As for greetings, Fred and I excel at this. We have long established habits of good-byes in the morning and hellos when one of us returns home. I walk downstairs with him to send him off, and I'm available to go back and retrieve items he's forgotten to bring along. I wave at the window as he pulls out of the driveway. Corny and silly? Maybe. But it sets a good tone for the day.
During the day Fred continually calls me every chance he gets. When he's leaving one point to drive to another. When he's coming home. He asks if I need anything on the way. We always say good-bye with an "I love you." When he gets home, I make the effort to give a cheerful hello and a hug or kiss.
No matter what has transpired in our relationship during the day, we are civil to each other before the lights go out. If an apology is due, we give it. It doesn't mean every issue is resolved, maybe it's only a temporary cease-fire. But after a night's sleep, we will see things differently in the morning.
In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26.
5 comments:
We have always tried to abide by the 'do not go to bed angry' rule. I think it is an important one.
We too have our simple daily rituals. My husband brings the daily newspapers in for me and puts them by the side of the bed and e-mails me when he gets to work. He calls me during the day when he can and always calls to let me know when he is leaving work. I call him with 'breaking news'. We send each other quotes and e-mails. I read the daily newspapers and mark articles that I think would be of interest to him as he rarely has the time to read the papers. We kiss each other first thing in the morning and last thing before we go to sleep. Yes, these things may seem silly to some ...
My parents had different daily rituals. The coffee pot was always brewing before Dad got up in the morning. Then Mom packed Dad's lunch (a sandwich and a tasty cake) and filled his thermos with fresh made coffee. (She would never think of packing lunch the night before.) Mom did this EVERY morning that Dad worked without fail. Dinner was always on the table at 4:15 PM, when Dad walked in the door. (Somehow their daily rituals seem more romantic or devotive to me.) On the other hand, they never talked during the day unless it was a true life-and-death emergency.
A couple my husband works with have coffee on their deck each morning before they go to work. My husband has said that he wishes we could do this. While this sounds romantic, it would not work for us. My husband leaves for work before 6:30 AM and I am not a morning person. Plus, he is always in a rush to get out the door in the morning. If I get up to talk to him in the morning, he gets stuck in morning traffic and is late for work.
Whatever the ritual, I think it is important that we let our spouses know that we are thinking of them during the day.
As far as the envy part of your post ... I used to feel the same way about my spouse. He is just a lot more easy-going and accepting than I am.
J
These "small" things married couples do are really big things. They hold marriages together. When the going gets rough, we can cling to our rituals and persevere even when we don't feel like it. We can choose to show love. No matter how angry Fred might be with me, or I with him, we will still go through the motions of our routines. They bring us through the hard times until our issues are resolved.
Not sure why you would be envious of him. Yopu are a wonderful woman and fabulous support to all who know you.
I think sometimes - in my case - when our work becomes more solitary... the kind of work people don't see everyday, it can be easy to envy the accomplishments of our husbands. John, too, is way more social than I. I can't start conversations. I can't even talk to people I know half the time. John's art sustains us financially. I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished. Sometimes I wish I could be as proud of myself and the work I do as a wife and mother, but I just keep striving to do things outside of that to find a sense of self accomplishment.
eastkentuckygal- This is true of many moms. Our work is behind the scenes and does not contribute to the family financially. So we have trouble seeing it as valuable. Your comment has me thinking and I will answer it with a post.
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