To be honest, I didn't like the dare when we were supposed to make a list of our husband's negative traits. I think when you put thoughts into words, it gives them power. I even told this to my table group at church. They said, don't worry, you tear it up the next day. Even so, I didn't like this. It caused me to focus on the negative. And the negative was something that can't be changed anyway, so what was the point?
Scripture is clear about thoughts turning to words turning to actions. "Take every thought captive..." because that's where trouble starts. "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Next, you act on your words. Now think about that sequence in a positive light--you dwell on your husband's good qualities, you tell him how you feel, how proud you are of him, how glad you are that he is the man he is. You praise him for the good things he does. Then you naturally will want to do nice things for him to show your appreciation. This can only make your marriage better.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8.
5 comments:
A nun a had in grade school said that you should never say anything bad or negative because your words go out into the universe and are there for all infinity.
J
I am liking what you are doing. I am having some negative stress issues that I know are partly health related, but also something I need to learn to control. I need to learn what upsets me and offset that. The problem is I go from 0 to infinity in no time flat. I agree as well that we can often speak things on ourselves. Words are powerful. When we speak something it makes it more permanent. Others here it or in the case of writing read it. Why would you write negative things of your spouse and hide them to keep. I don't like that either. Why do that if you are going to think him for the positives?
I'm just reporting what the book says the Dares are for that day. Leave it to me to think I know better! Glad to have you two agree though. The ladies at my table group said, just do it, you'll see what happens next. But I saw no good from it. The day I tore up my paper I didn't even re-read what I had written. I do take out the list of positive traits and dwell on them. It's helping me to remember to encourage my husband.
My mother told me as a child to never say anything I would later regret because you cannot later take back your words. (I believe she told me this from her own experiences.) Words we say in anger or with little thought often come back to haunt us. Those little words also have a way of getting misinterpreted. Negative and angry words destroy relationships. I have been in the position multiple times where friends have been having marital problems. They have told me negative things about their husbands and have looked to me for empathy. I have kept my mouth shut which angered them. In some cases they have reconciled with their husbands. I am sure any unkind things or words of agreement that I would have said would have been held against ME. As difficult as it is at times, I think it is important not to bad-mouth our spouses to others and not to destroy that confidence. That also degrades the relationship.
J
J- How very true! Even when we took this class at church we were told not to say anything about our husbands that we could not say if they were sitting right next to us. Of course, there are times we share things with close friends, but it is not in the spirit of gossip or degrading our husbands but rather because we honestly seek advice. As women, we know the difference. There is a way to respond to other women too that gives good counsel and doesn't pull down their marriage relationship.
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