Day 3: Love is not selfish. We live in a world enamored with "self." If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate?
When a husband puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife, that's a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I truly want what's best for my husband?
- Do I want him to feel loved by me?
- Does he believe I have his best interests in mind?
- Does he see me as looking out for myself first?
The Dare: Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today.""Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourself." Phillipians 2:3.
2 comments:
This has always been a moral dilemna for me. As women we tend to put everyone (everything) else first and to neglect our own needs. When we do this, we suffer physically, emotionally, financially, etc. We do not want to be selfish, but where do we draw the limits? How do we know if we are giving too much of ourselves (i.e. being selfless)? We get angry at our husbands (or other men) because they see the value in taking care of themselves too. They draw limits better than we do and don't have as much as a problem saying no. We get angry at other women when we feel that they are putting their needs first and not sharing the load. Where is the balance? I do think it is important that others see that we value ourselves too. What do you think?
J
I know exactly what you mean. Women have to balance between becoming a doormat to a demanding husband and being a domineering nag who insists on having her way. It is very difficult to know what is right. I guess you have to know yourself--do you have a tendency to give and give until you are spent and then resent it when you get no help? Or do you know how to draw the line? You have to know your husband too. Is he disrespectful and demanding or does he honor you? Not that we serve our husbands only if they respect us. We serve our families because it is the right thing to do. I learned a lesson from Fred once. He was taking a men's class and came home and announced that he was going to "serve" me, that it was his role as a husband. He started doing all kinds of nice things for me. It didn't cause me to lose respect for him and start asking for more and more. It inspired me to do more for him! We began trying to out-do each other with kindness and good deeds! Scripture says, "Serve one another in love." And "submit to one another" and "love one another." It's reciprocal. We both serve, we both submit, we both demonstrate love. So as women, we do need to know how to find the balance between selfishness and self-care. We need to know our own physical and emotional limits and ask that others not push us beyond them.
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