Dare 5

Dare 5: Love is not rude. Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to be unbecoming, embarrassing or irritating. In marriage this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. No one enjoys being around a rude person.

Good manners express to your husband, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior--even in the smallest ways--you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.

Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your husband the same way you want to be treated.
2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and friends.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do.

The Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three (or one or two) things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking him or justifying your behavior. This is from his perspective only.

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 25:24.

A caution from me: When you ask this question you risk getting your feelings hurt or getting angry. Your husband won't be honest if he anticipates a fight. Or he might take advantage of the situation and give you a long list! Prepare yourself! Tell him you want to know behavior that irritates him that you can actually change, that would better your relationship. Then when he tells you, say nothing! Ponder and consider. The temptation would be to retaliate and say, "Well, you do this and that..." Or you might strongly desire to defend yourself and say he's wrong. But this is how he perceives it. So don't fuel a fight.

Friends who are doing these dares with children: My girls are making progress! Children don't have the entrenched behavior patterns that we do. We have had a pleasant week and Arielle and Liana are trying hard. I'll write more about that later.